A Man’s Right to Choose
By Brigitte Pellerin

If women have a right to choose, shouldn't men have one, too? It's a good question, and one the U.S.-based National Center for Men (nationalcenterformen.org) wants to see debated.
           
In a lawsuit filed in Detroit earlier this month, the NCM asks "that men be granted equal protection of the laws which safeguard the right of women to make family planning decisions after sex." The NCM calls its lawsuit "Roe vs. Wade for Men" (after the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court decision declaring virtually all federal or state restrictions on abortion unconstitutional) and I, for one, will be watching the proceedings with rapt attention.
           
The lawsuit was filed on behalf of Matt Dubay of Saginaw, Michigan, a 25-year-old computer technician. During a short-lived relationship, Mr. Dubay and his then-girlfriend shared, ah, intimate moments. Mr. Dubay says it was always clear he didn't want children and that he told his girlfriend so. He also says she assured him he was safe in this respect since she could not conceive due to some unspecified physical condition.
           
Guess what. She got pregnant anyway and gave birth to a daughter late last summer. Guess what else. Mr. Dubay has been ordered to pay $500 a month in child support. He's not happy.
           
I can see why. If what he says is true, he was tricked into parenthood, and that's just not right.
           
Oh yeah? I can hear some of you exclaim. If he really didn't want a child, maybe he shouldn't have had sex. Well, yes, certainly. Quite. Except it's not what we say to women who, through bad planning or a forgotten pill, find themselves pregnant at an inconvenient time. We don't tell women they shouldn't have had sex if they didn't want to live with the consequences.
           
We tell them: Of course it's not your fault. Here, have a non-judgmental abortion. The state will even pay for it. In most North American jurisdictions a woman can abort a child against the wishes of the father, in some cases without having to bother telling him. But if the mother chooses to keep the baby, she can hit the father's wallet with impunity even if he never wanted the child in the first place.
    
Mr. Dubay and the National Center for Men want the courts to recognize that this state of affairs isn't fair. If women can "choose" freely, why can't men? I understand we're meant to despise all signs of patriarchy, but why does it have to mean guys no longer have any rights? And isn't viewing men as providers and nothing else somewhat behind the times?
           
Now let's be clear about a few things. Even though some people see the lawsuit as part of a larger conservative movement toward the abolition of abortion, the people involved see it as part of a larger movement toward sexual liberation.

Mr. Dubay doesn't fit the typical Republican stereotype; according to an interview he gave to Salon.com, he is a supporter of abortion rights, adding that "I don't necessarily believe that men should be able to force women to do anything either way, but I believe their input should at least be taken into consideration."
           
This view is shared by Mel Feit, NCM's director, who also told Salon he supports abortion rights and that "nothing we're doing seeks to deny women control. It is her body." But the guys would like to be given at least a brief opportunity early in a pregnancy to decide whether they want to be a parent just because they had sex that caused a pregnancy. The very same thing your typical moderate abortion supporter insists women should have. It's not exactly hysterical.

It's not exactly an ideal solution either. If you'll pardon me for being old-fashioned again, I think people would avoid such problems if they took birth-control seriously and refrained from engaging in "risky" sex until they're ready for kids. I consider this business of want-ing to have unlimited sex and never having to deal with the consequences very unhealthy and morally troubling.
           
But if you must be liberated it's not as if contraception -- for both partners -- is hard to get.
           
I don't like the idea of fathers walking away from their responsibilities once the children are born. It's not the little girl's fault Matt Dubay never wanted her to exist. But it's also not fair to give women all the options and tell men "Tough luck, bud, you've got no say either way and she gets to pick your pocket, too."
           
I believe there are things in life more important than choice. But if you're one of the pro-choicers, what's your argument for denying it to men?

This column first appeared in the The Ottawa Citizen, March 21, 2006.© Copyright Brigitte Pellerin.  This article has been reprinted with permission.