It was simple I thought: we’ll get pregnant and start our family. I was quickly approaching 36. We’d been married for almost a year. The time seemed right and we both seemed ready. We began trying to get pregnant in the spring of 1999. We were trying to be realistic in our attempts given my age. It happened six months later and we were both excited and nervous. An acute abdominal pain and fluctuating HCG levels prompted my OBGYN to perform surgery, suspecting an ectopic pregnancy. No fetal sac was found, and it remains a mystery to us now if life had even begun.

After a few months of emotional and physical recovery, we continued our quest to parenthood, filled with renewed sexual energy. It took another year before we got a positive pregnancy test. Once again, HCG levels on the pregnancy test were low, indicating potential problems. I still remember the emergency doctor’s words: “an inviable pregnancy.”

We turned to a nearby fertility clinic for answers and support. The specialist issued a number of tests, drugs, and interventions. We cooperated with the team at the clinic and made several long-distance trips for appointments. Early in the spring of 2001, the puzzle pieces became available for assembly, yet none of them seemed to fit. We were told as a result of all the investigative tests that we both had a “normal, healthy reproductive system”!

Now almost two years into our journey to parenthood, we were slowly and reluctantly coming to terms with the reality that we would never conceive and carry to term our own child. With that realization, we set out to explore the adoption option. We researched several private agencies and decided upon one which was smaller than the others and offered counselling services to the birth parents and the adoptive couple. We signed up for a weekend orientation and made a commitment to withdraw some of our savings to meet the financial obligations.

The day we were to make our initial payment of $3000, we received a positive pregnancy test. We marked June 8 on our calendars. I would be three months pregnant and we planned to celebrate in a big way. We suspended our adoption application and waited. When June 8th finally arrived, my GP was unable to detect a fetal heartbeat in the prenatal examination. She immediately sent us to the hospital for an emergency ultrasound. It confirmed our worst fears. The fetus had died in utero. I was scheduled for a D and C a few days later, and within minutes our day of celebration had turned to one of mourning.

In the fall of 2001, our hearts felt ready to pick up where we had left off with the adoption process. We completed our home study and put together an album of our life story to be viewed by potential birth parents. On November 26, we signed the final document, placing us on the “active waiting list.”

At the time, we were unaware of a young couple who had visited the same agency three days before us, wanting to make an adoption plan and seeking a couple with our character and qualities to parent their child. She was 14 years old. He was 17.

Our adoption worker matched us two months later.

When I met Jamie for the first time, I was struck by her deep blue eyes, her petite stature, and her small but visible belly. She was seven months pregnant. The initial few moments together were very awkward. Our adoption worker helped to ease the tension with some light conversation. It didn’t take long before we were sharing some stories and humorous anecdotes, making connections with small, yet significant, events from our lives. Soon thereafter, nervous expressions had been transformed into laughter and smiles. When the social worker redirected us to “matters of business,” Jamie was honest and open in sharing with us what had brought her to this point in her life.

Jamie was raised by a single mom from the time she was a baby. She was faced with low income restrictions, challenged by academic and social situations in school, and suffered chronic depression. Her relationship with the birth father had been long-standing, and she had invited and encouraged him to be a part of the adoption process. He was present the day we met to make a “birth plan.”

Jamie articulated her needs and wants clearly. She had chosen to carry the baby to term and choose adoption,saying she knew in her heart it was the right thing to do. She made mention of girls at her school who were choosing to abort or to keep their child. Jamie had been labelled the “selfish” one in the crowd for wanting to surrender her baby to another couple.

Following Olivia’s birth, Jamie would continue to face ridicule and criticism from her peers for “giving away” her child. Other than the support of the birth father, her parents, and a small faith community at her local church, Jamie found herself to be alone in her choice to continue the pregnancy and to consider adoption. She indicated to us that she did not want us present for the birth but that she would call once the baby had arrived. She did just that on March 21, 2002. Within a few hours of baby Olivia’s arrival, we were holding the “little princess” in our arms. Olivia Ann entered the world surrounded by the love of her birth family and her adoptive family.

There were mixed emotions for all of us at that time – the obvious highs and lows that come with labour and delivery magnified by the anticipation of the moment at which Jamie would entrust Olivia to our care. She had the option to revoke her decision up to three days in hospital. We are amazed and thankful she remained steadfast in her decision, and she expressed to the social worker that she was even more certain in her choice because the reality of caring for a baby had become even more real to her.

Our adoption worker admitted she was surprised at Jamie’s inner strength and maturity. In her experience, younger birth mothers would tend to change their minds at the time of birth. Jamie’s mother described her daughter as a young woman “wise beyond her years”.

Jamie’s deep and selfless love for her baby were very atypical for a young adult of her age. The difficult life choice she made in the face of oppressive peer and other social pressures is a witness to both young and old of great courage and commitment.

Now, two years following Olivia’s birth, Jamie will soon be completing her high school degree and is making plans to fulfill her dreams of post-secondary education. She continues to face challenges in her personal life with great determination. We continue to be in touch and Olivia can now recognize and name Jamie in photographs.

We want Olivia to know the truth of where her life began and, perhaps more importantly, for her to come to know a woman who is an example of courage in her choice of life over death and love over fear.

Maureen Miller is a writer from Red Deer, Alberta.